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(via cupidshead)

In the delivery room

tokomon:

mother: is it a boy or a girl?

doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor

(via xoxogossipscones)

(via thirdheat)

buttwyatt:

i didn’t do my homework but i did do this

IS THIS A FUCKING JOKE

sometimes i don’t think i can be any meaner than i already am and then that one fucking person does something stupid and my brain just out-means itself and i end up sitting around frowning for a bit because i don’t know if i should be proud of myself or not 

Title: Believe It or Not Artist: George 92,637 plays

(via oneformahler)

Surrounded by @officialjld asscrack. [X]

(via thirdheat)

i just told my mom on the phone that i’ve angrily (and for two out of three, irrationally) called three people anti semites today and she gleefully officially welcomed me to my own family, saying “we didn’t wanna tell you but you weren’t really one of us until now”